FIXT
Pease’s Versions of WRITE!
Compare these versions with the ones you did, which I’ve marked up and returned to you. The marked-up versions include highlighted items that are either wrong or weird or somehow a problem. If after you’ve compared yours with mine you can’t figure out what the highlight problem was—or if I marked ASK on your copy—ask.
Here are notes you’ve taken for stories. Organize them into inverted pyramid style, starting with a summary lead, and write complete stories for a new audience conforming to AP style (assume the events were last night, so refer to the day...). DUE THURSDAY 10/2
NOTES: Fire
Fire in a house. Address: 176 West 500 North, Logan, Utah, North America, Earth
10 p.m.
Some of you are making this too complicated. Remember the Fred Rule—what happened? First things first. In this case, a house burned down. No injuries, but the cat died. Here’s a STRAIGHT inverted pyramid story—not as exciting as some of your versions, but this eliminates the extra stuff and red herring distractions. Dull, maybe, but efficient!
Remember, slug each story like this.....
Fire
Pease
Fire gutted a house near downtown Logan (Tuesday) night, leaving its owners homeless.
The home of Frederick and Mary Andersen at 176 W. 500 North was “a total loss,” said Assistant Fire Chief Steve Howard.
Howard said two fire trucks and 12 firefighters responded to the 10 p.m. blaze, which he said was apparently caused by an electrical malfunction.
Mrs. Andersen wept on the street as firefighters worked, mourning the death of her cat, Charlemange, and final exams of her 215 at USU, where she is a French professor. (Note: this last graf isn’t necessary, strictly speaking, although the cat and the exams add human interest.)
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What else would you like to know? I dunno--$$$ loss estimate? Any other details from firefighters (NOT firemen!)?NOTES: City Council mtg
Smithfield City Council met from 7-10:30 p.m. Monday night. Of the 12 agenda items, 3 were tabled until next week. Council discussed a proposal to strengthen dog leash law. Council member Joy Ferguson wants dogs euthanized if caught off leashes off owner’s property. Says “Packs of wild dogs are running rampant in town, terrorizing people and putting children at risk.” Lee Austin is Cache Valley Humane Society President. He addressed the council, along with County Animal Control Officer Rex Toothsome. Austin said there are actually fewer dogs countywide and in Smithfield than at this time last year. Toothsome agreed, and offered a chart with numbers for the County and several cities. He said that the County has issued 12,598 dog licenses in 2006. 782 of those were in Smithfield, compared to 14,115 last year (county) and 861 in Smithfield. He also said there were only half as many strays picked up in Smithfield this year (38, compared to about 70 last year). The dog debate lasted more than an hour. Smithfield mayor Clyde Spineless finally called for a vote on Ferguson’s proposal. It was defeated by a vote of four to one. After the meeting, Spineless said he was pleased. “Smithfield is still a pet-friendly town.”
Some of you got completely bogged down by the numbers. Do we NEED all those numbers? Who would read them? Here’s what I would tell Fred: “Some crazy councilwoman in Smithfield wants to have stray dogs murdered!!” The news is that the council voted it down, then there are too good quotes and a little background info on dogs… Does that make sense? Check out my version. Can you ID the WWWWWH? Can you see/explain why I put stuff where I did?
City Council
Pease
After an hour-long discussion, the Smithfield City Council voted down a councilmember’s proposal Monday to euthanize stray dogs that are caught off their owner’s property.
“Smithfield is still a pet-friendly town,” declared Mayor Clyde Spineless after the 4-to-1 vote.
Councilmember Joy Ferguson offered the euthanasia measure as the Council debated proposals to strengthen Smithfield’s leash law.
“Packs of wild dogs are running rampant in town, terrorizing people and putting children at risk,” Ferguson said, calling for strays to be put down when caught.
But Lee Austin, president of the Cache Valley Human Society, and county animal control officer Rex Toothsome told the Council that the number of stray dogs in Smithfield and countywide is down from last year.
Toothsome also said that only about half as many stray dogs—38—were picked up in Smithfield in 2008, as compared to 2007.
He said the county issued 782 dog licenses in Smithfield during 2008, and that 12,598 had been issued countywide, down from the year before.
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NOTES: Crash (all info from “police spokesman”)
Car crash in south Logan on
What happened? What are the key elements? Crash, or injury, or DUI? Which element do you think is most important? Which one(s) did I think were most important?
Crash
Pease
A 31-year-old Logan man was arrested for drunken driving Monday morning following a collision on South Main Street that sent the 21-year-old driver of a second vehicle to the hospital with head injuries.
Police said Marcie Mommish of Aggie Village was injured when the car she was driving collided with a pickup driven by Floyd Finger at the intersection of 300 South and Main Street.
Officers said Mommish was turning right at the traffic light when Finger’s Toyota ran the red light and collided with Mommish’s driver’s-side door. She was treated by EMTs at the scene and transported by ambulance to Logan Regional Hospital.
Finger was arrested after officers at the crash smelled alcohol and found empty beer cans in his truck, police said. He also was cited for running a red light.
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NOTES: Barbershop (note: you may want to do something other than a straight summary lead here…)
There are already 17 barbershops and hairdressers in town. Today there’s one more. The new shop opens today. It’s called Keep Yer Head Down. The owner is 55. She's divorced. She moved to town from Las Vegas, NV. He name is Franceen Follicle. He left leg is slightly longer than her right. She has hired four stylists who wear go-go boots and dance to strobe lights and disco music while they cut hair. Franceen is a funny name. She used to be a Vegas show dancer who performed at the Mirage, Harrah’s and other major casinos. The shop has a green door. It is located at the corner of Center St. and 300 East, at 301 East Center Street. A good location. “It’s a fun ‘do’ to do,” Franceen says. “We offer cutting-edge style-a-go-go. Everything from perms to colors to pedicures and nails. Grooming is more beautiful to a beat.”
OK—so this isn’t much of a hard-news story. Sure, there’s news, but you can lighten it up a bit. The weird details (go-go boots and the disco theme), Franceen’s background and her colorful quotes give a pedestrian story about a store opening a little more interest. Right?
Haircut
Pease
Former Las Vegas showgirl-turned-hairdresser Franceen Follicle is bringing a whole new style to a crowded haircare market in Logan—the disco ’do.
“Grooming is more beautiful to a beat,” said Follicle, whose new hairstyling salon, Keep Yer Head Down, opened its doors today.
The shop, at 301 E. Center St., offers hair stylists in go-go boots who cut hair and do perms while dancing to strobe lights and disco music.
“It’s a fun ‘do’ to do,” Follicle says. “We offer cutting-edge style-a-go-go. Everything from perms to colors to pedicures and nails.”
Follicle, who once performed as a dancer at Vegas hotels such as the Mirage and Harrah’s, is betting that her style will offer some competition to the 17 other barber shops and hair salons already in business in Logan.
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NOTES: Speaker (info from CVLS press release)
The Cache Valley League of Scrapbookers (CVLS) is pleased to announce a wonderful speaker from Detroit for its
This is a deathly dull story, exactly the kind of stuff the lady PR person for the Scrapbooking Club would put in a press release. Is it worthless? Well, no. There is news here of small-town public interest, and it’s exactly the kind of stuff your editor will ask a cub reporter to turn into a brief for the “Around Town” or “Happenings” column. Whaddaya gonna do?
Scrapbook
Pease
A Detroit mother of eight who turned scrapbooking into a global initiative for women will be the featured speaker at this month’s meeting of the Cache Valley League of Scrapbookers.
Clarice Clipper, president of the International Scrapbooking Society, will speak on “Clipping with Clipper—Cutting out boredom while preserving precious memories” on Oct. 17 at 7 p.m. in the Logan City Hall all-purpose room.
Last year, the United Nations honored Clipper with a special award for her work with women worldwide. She has promoted scrapbooking as a means of bridging cultures and bringing women of all nationalities together.
Clipper says she began scrapbooking in 1992 as a way of organizing her eight children.
“They were driving me nuts,” she said. “One day I realized that I couldn’t tell them apart. So scrapbooking started for me as self-protection, really, so I could keep track of them all.”
The speech and reception is free and open to the public.
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