Stories 1-4 FIXT

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A-Bombs, Kidnapped Kids and Crashes (OMG!)

PEASE
FIXT versions

In all news stories, reporters must quickly decide what’s the most important news—what happened? This soon becomes automatic, but in teaching yourself to think this way, it may be useful to think about the Fred Rule (See WWWWWH—The “Fred Rule” in your Week5 readings).

Basically, the Fred Rule describes what you do when you see your best friend, Fred, on the street. He asks, “What’s happening?” and your natural response (in the first story, for example), would be something like, “They set off a nuke in Nevada!” Usually, that natural response contains the core of what would be a news story lead. Try it.

NOTES:
Some general notes from your stories that everyone should note. (When I put ASK in your stories in future, please raise the question in Discussions: these are AP Style or other issues that affect everyone. Obviously ask other questions, too.)

• WHEN: Don’t lead with when—WHAT or WHO is more important, and the when doesn’t matter to the reader until you tell her what the story’s about.

• No yesterday/tomorrow/last night. Except for TODAY (when your story is running in the same-day’s newspaper), use the day name (or, if more than a week away, the date) to avoid reader confusion. NOTE: This also applies to cybernews—you may post something TODAY, but that’s meaningless when the post survives online for decades. Use the dayname or date.

• Day vs. Date: Use the date (e.g., Dec. 29 or Feb. 16) when the news event you’re talking about is more than a week away, in either direction. Use the day (Thursday, etc.) when the event is less than a week away, in either direction. The verb tense will tell the reader which Thursday we’re talking about: The city council voted Thursday… (that’s yesterday or last week, right?); The speech will be Thursday… (this week, right?) If I’m talking about something next month, it’s an event planned for Oct. 16 (or whatever).... NEVER use both day and date.

• Abbreviations. Check the Stylebook and also look at the additional cross-references at the bottom of the “abbreviations” entry. In these stories, state names needed to be abbreviated when they came with the city/town (e.g., LaCrosse, Wis., or Brick Township, N.J.). State names are spelled out when they stand alone (e.g., New Jersey). NOTE that AP state abbreviations are different from the Postal Service’s: see State names. Note also that some states are NEVER abbreviated. Which ones? You’ll also find differing rules on abbreviations under titles, dates, addresses and many more. Check ’em out.

• Ages. The basic AP number rule is that zero-nine are spelled out (six balloons) but 10 and larger are numerals (14 balloons). There MANY exceptions to this rule—addresses, ages, money, time, temperatures, etc. Check them ALL out. Ages are always numerals, even little ones. So, the boy is 7. Note, too, that “the 7-year-old boy” is hyphenated, because the whole thing—7-year-old—describes “boy.” So: 6-year-old car, 89-year-old grampa. But the grandfather, 89, ....

• Paragraphs. A news story is organized in descending order of importance (the inverted pyramid), starting with a summary first paragraph. Generally, try (for now) for simple, declarative sentences, with one sentence/one idea per paragraph. The questions raised or left unanswered in each paragraph should (generally) be answered in the next paragraph, resulting in a story that is structured logically, proceeding smoothly from one topic/idea to the next.

• Inverted pyramid. Draw an upside-down triangle, standing on its tip. (See discussion of the Inverted Pyramid in the text, and here.) This is a graphic depiction of what a news story looks like, starting with the “heaviest,” or most important, element (e.g., bomb, kidnapped kid found, passengers safely evacuated…) and progressing to the least important stuff until the story peters out. More on this, and other structural issue, to come.

Other questions, let me know.

Here are my versions of these first stories. Compare them to yours, and then ask (on Discussion or via an email direct to me) your questions about style, structure, news judgment, organization, etc. —TP

NUKE TEST
Pease
(Note that this is how to ID each of your stories: A “slug” to label the topic (NUKE), and your last name to ID the reporter)

As 450 nuclear protesters gathered Tuesday, just 40 miles away federal officials detonated a 150-kiloton bomb in the remote Nevada desert.

The weapons test by the U.S. Department of Energy took place 2,000 feet deep in the Pahute Mesa at the Nevada test site near Yucca Mountain, about 100 miles northwest of Las Vegas, despite efforts by pacifists and physicians to halt such testing.

WHAT’S NEXT?

TP Note: This story has two major news elements:
1. nuclear bomb test, and
2. protesters.

I opted to combine both elements in the lead. A simpler way to go would be to focus on one of the elements first (the bomb test), and get to the protesters in a later graf.

Some tricks: 1. Nuclear weapons are measured in kilotons. How do I know? I found it in the Stylebook. 2. Anyone have any idea where Pahute Mesa is? Me neither. So I Googled it and looked at a map. Yucca Mountain, of course, is the controversial federal disposal site for nuclear waste. I include Las Vegas so readers will have a sense of where this is. “What’s next?” suggests that you think about unanswered questions for all stories.

KIDNAP
Pease

Three years after disappearing in Alabama, a 7-year-old kidnap victim was found living in rural New Jersey Monday, after a neighbor recognized the child in a TV movie about his disappearance.

Police in Brick Township, N.J., arrested the boy’s mother, Ellen Lynn Conner, 27, at the scene on Alabama kidnapping warrants.

Police said a resident called them Monday night after watching “Adam: The Song Continues,” a film about an Alabama kidnap case, and recognizing the boy’s photo.

WHAT’S NEXT?

TP Note: What would you tell Fred?
Me: “They found a 7-year-old kid in New Jersey!”
Fred: “Why? was he missing?”
Me: “Yeah! his mom kidnapped him three years ago.”
Fred: “No kidding. What happened?”
Me: “A neighbor saw the kid’s picture on TV. And the cops arrested the mom.” Etc…..

See? Logical progression through the facts, raising and answering questions as they arise.

One more note: There are two “most important” elements to this story, aren’t there? What are they? So which one do you use to focus the lead/story on—and why? I will ask on a quiz...

AP Style points: age: 7-year-old boy; mother, 27; states are spelled out when they stand alone (e.g., Alabama), but abbreviated and set inside commas when they come with a town (e.g., Brick Township, N.J.,)

AIRPLANE
Pease

Forty passengers were evacuated from a Northwest Airlines jet Tuesday when it touched down at LaCrosse, Wis., after airport officials spotted smoke coming from the jet’s wheels.

A Northwest spokesman said there were no injuries or damage in the incident. The passengers were evacuated as a precaution when flight 428 from Minneapolis set down.

Northwest’s Bob Gibbons said the smoke apparently was caused by hydraulic fluids leaking onto the jet’s hot brakes.

WHAT’S NEXT?

TP Note: What would you tell Fred?
Me: “A bunch of airplane passengers had to be evacuated from a plane in Wisconsin.”
Fred: “No kidding. What happened?”
Me: “There was smoke coming from the wheels of a Northworst Airlines jet when it landed at LaCrosse. The passengers had to slide down the chutes.”
Fred: “Anyone hurt?”

One rule of thumb: For the cynical journalist, we rank-order things this way:
1. Dead.
2. Injured.
3. Property damage (crash, fire, etc.).
So the most important thing in this story is that 40 passengers and crew were safe after being evacuated…

CAR CRASH
Pease
A 41-year-old Logan mother was injured in a car accident Monday afternoon when her car was rear-ended by a cattle truck on Main Street.

Police said Janice T. McKinney apparently turned her car into the path of a truck hauling eight steers at 4:27 p.m., according to the Logan Police Department.

The truck, driven by Joe Cowbuddy, 60, of Pocatello, Idaho, jackknifed into the oncoming traffic, police said, but there were no other accidents. Cowbuddy was uninjured, police said, but Main Street traffic was tied up for an hour.

McKinney was transported to Logan Memorial Hospital with undisclosed injuries. Her two children, ages 3 and 6, were uninjured, police said.

No charges have been filed in the accident, but a police investigation was continuing Monday evening.

WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT TO KNOW? TP Note: What would you tell Fred? This should be getting clearer to you.
Fred: “What happened?”
You: “There was a car crash—a mom and a cattle truck.”
Fred: “Yow. Anyone hurt?”
You: “The mom went to the hospital, but her kids were OK, and the truck driver, too.”
Fred: “And the cows?”
You: “Straight to Mickey D’s…. No, they were fine.”
Fred: “Where?”
You: “North Main Street, yesterday afternoon.”
Fred: “What else?”
You: “Cops are investigating and may charge the mom. Otherwise, I dunno. Lots of accidents at that intersection, especially now that cattle trucks come through so often….” (That make you think of any followup stories from this one little incident?)

Other notes:
• I use, “A 41-year-old Logan mother” in the lead instead of her name. Why? (I will ask you this on a quiz)
• Note that everything (except the lead and the end) is attributed—ALWAYS attribute statements of fact to a source.
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